Silence

Definition: Silence is a regenerative practice of attending and listening to God in quiet, without interruption and noise. Silence provides freedom from speaking as well as from listening to words or music. (Reading is also listening to words.)

Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us, 121.

I hadn’t realized how uncomfortable silence made me — until I was asked to spend 2-3 hours in silent retreat.

I spend a lot of time alone. I’m an introvert and I enjoy alone time. BUT, I don’t always spend a lot of time in intentional silence. I talk — to God, to myself (yes, myself). I listen to music. I listen to podcasts. I fill the space.

I’ve come to realize, for me, silence is uncomfortable. Silence is hard.

I’ve been practicing silence. The sound of music or the background of the TV is pretty much my constant companion. I am hardly ever in silence — especially in the car. So, I’ve taken intentional drives in silence.

I chose to take drives in silence — no music, no GPS. The first drive was one long drive (1 1/2 hours), the 2nd was a full day of running errands, and the third drive was about 30-40 minutes each way. Drive #1 – The drive felt long and uncomfortable. I tried continuously to fill the space with sound. I kept singing and talking. The silence was too much. Drive #2 – In the quiet I heard myself — negative thought patterns that have been taking up residence in my heart and mind particularly over the last few weeks. I found that I wanted to move my mood and if I could just turn on music that would do that. There was a growing tension of not using music to distract, but to sit and let myself hear from God instead. Drive #3 – During this drive, I found companionship in silence. The silence kept me company in how I was feeling. I didn’t want to try to escape it – the silence or my mood. I noticed that the silence slowed me down — physically driving calmer, slower.

Through this experience I have begun to sense God moving me to release distraction. This past month has been full. Good. Hard. Busy. I have felt like I have stored up thoughts and feelings and have not given space to come to God with them — it has felt too much.

Driving in silence has made me aware of the ways I distract myself and detour from staying with God and coming to Him with it all. This exercise brought a loosening of the grip I’ve had on my thoughts and feelings. It also brought companionship in silence — a welcome to stay rather than distract and detour. 

What is your experience with and response to silence?